| soon the rain will wash away the sun as I melt with you |
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[25 Jul 2006|05:23pm] |
I think to get my mind off of loosing zach I'm going to go to the tattoo parlor tonite.
I won't mind the needle this time.
I need coffee. And more cigarettes. And more coffee.
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[23 Jul 2006|10:14pm] |
I'm writing this as a goodbye.
To everyone. To everything.
It's been fun - but life has gotten to that point where I'm not myself anymore.
I love you all.
I'm sorry.
Goodbye.
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[08 Jul 2006|01:08am] |
Travelling swallowing Dramamine
Feeling spaced breathing out listerine
I'd said what I'd said that I'd tell ya
And that you'd killed the better part of me
If you could just milk it for everything
I've said what I'd said and you know what I mean
But I still can't focus on anything
We kiss on the mouth but still cough down our sleeves
Travelling swallowing dramamine
Look at your face like you're killed in a dream
And you think you've figured out everything
I think I know my geography pretty damn well
You say what you need so you'll get more
If you could just milk it for everything
I've said what I said and you know what I mean
But I can't still focus on anything
<[ hearts in a box ]>
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[13 Jun 2006|01:45pm] |
So this is it.
My last summer before the reality of life hits.
I think I'll spend it drinking and smoking, and laying around in the sun.
Maybe make some popcorn here and there and watch a movie.
Take my dog for some walks, clean messes I've been meaning to clean, start a garden, read some books, play WOW.
Why not? It's my last complete and full stage of innocence. Yes, it scares the hell out of me. But I think I can be ready to move on when the time comes.
Or maybe I won't. That's not for me to say now. A million different things could happen in a heartbeat. Or two.
Tommorrow is my 18th Birthday. So it goes.
I really don't know what to say. My mind ticks faster than it can comprehend what it's ticking about.
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[29 May 2006|12:36am] |
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brrrrrrrrrrmm goes the A.C. |
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Haven't really updated.
Here it goes.
Zach and I are back together in a wonderful relationship. I hope that everything works out - I just want him to be happy and to trust me again.
I graduate Friday, then I have no idea what. Since I'm not cool I don't know of any parties. I think my mom wants to take me out to eat. I like food, and I like my mom, so that's ok. Keti is also getting me those Pilot G-2 pens I love so dearly as a grad. present.
I got a .20 cent raise at Hot Topic cause I'm uber awesome.
I turn 18 on June 14th and I think my mom and I are going to a physic for shits and giggles. I'm also getting my septum done, and buying lots of scratch tickets. Maybe I'll go to a casino as well because nothing funner than blowing all your money on something with flashing lights and loud noises.
Cut my hair again. Still looking like a little boy.
Decided I need to loose about 5 lbs for the summer.
End transmission.
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[17 May 2006|03:49pm] |
So Zach and I are officially broken up.
1 year and 3 months are over.
And it's all my fault. I ruin everything close to me.
I always do.
I'm so empty.
I need coffee and ciggarettes.
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[28 Mar 2006|03:49pm] |
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Sunrise, sunset.
Sunrise, sunset.
Swiftly go the days.
Sunrise, sunset.
You wake up, then you undress.
It always is the same.
A sunrise and a sunset.
You are lying while you confess, keep trying to explain.
The sunrise and the sun sets you realize
and then you forget what you have been trying to retain.
But everybody knows that it is all about the things
that get stuck inside of your head,
like the songs your roommate sings
or a vision of her body as she stretches out on your bed.
She raised her hands in the air and asked you,
When was the last time you looked in the mirror?
Because you have changed.
Yeah, you have changed.
Sunrise, sunset.
You are hopeful and then you regret.
The circle never breaks.
With each sunrise and sunset there is a change of heart or address.
Is there nothing that remains?
For a sunrise or a sunset.
You are manic or you're depressed.
Will you ever feel ok?
It's a sunrise and sunset, your lover is an actress.
Did you really think she would stay?
For a sunrise and sunset.
You are either coming or you just left but you are always on the way.
Towards a sunrise or a sunset, a scribble or a sonnet.
They are really just the same.
To the sunrise and the sunset.
The master and his servant have exactly the same fate.
It's a sunrise and a sunset.
From a cradle to a casket.
There ain't no way to escape.
The sunrise and the sunset.
Hold your sadness like a puppet, just keep putting on the play.
But everything you do is leading to the point
where you just won't know what to do.
And at that moment you may laugh
but there is someone there who will be laughing louder than you.
So it's true, the trick is complete.
Now you have become everything you said that you never would be.
You're a fool! You're a fool!
Sunrise, sunset, sunrise, sunset.
The sunrise and the sunset.
Sunrise, sunset.
Go home to your apartment
and put the cassette in the tape deck and let that fever play.
Sunrise, sunset.
Where are you Arienette?
Where are you Arienette?
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[22 Mar 2006|11:40pm] |
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"No sooner met but they looked, no sooner looked than they loved than they sighed, no sooner sighed but they asked one another the reason, no sooner knew the reason but they sought the remedy."
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[30 Jan 2006|01:21pm] |
Saturday the 28th was me and Zach's 1 year. <3
12 months of happiness.
12 months of love.
12 months of laughter.
12 months of compassion.
The best 12 months of my life.
Zach, I love you so much, and I can only hope we'll be together forever.
You are my everything.
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[17 Jan 2006|02:52pm] |
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I drove down to my old lot today and decided to walk.
Where my house was is just a huge dug out hole, and the spot where my time capsule is buried is paved over.
Our frog pond has been exposed, and our rock garden is no longer there.
They uprooted my mom's lilac bush, and it lays lifeless in the back yard.
The Spencer's have long since moved, and their pretty red cottage has been painted over and the cozy feeling is no longer there.
The little hill we used to ride our bikes down shrinked about 20 ft, and the dirt trail from our bikes is starting to grow grass.
The little brook I was petrified to jump over is now just a long step across.
The Fall's Market where I used to get free soda and candy is now a bank.
The empty lots where I used to venture are still there, but was once treasure is now just trash.
The factory I used to explore with such curiousity and fear is now cheap housing, starting at S170,000 a condo.
I am no longer afraid of drowing in Fall's Pond.
The grumpy lady's house has a "for sale" on it now. She was old, she probably died. I wonder what of.
The crack house is now a family home with a winter garden, and the lot next to it now is paved.
My great empire is now deminished to a pile of stones.
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[10 Jan 2006|07:06pm] |
I love people who have nothing better to do than to put others down, especially incognito. A random person replied to my meth post with "you'll do anything to get attention." You'd figure someone who knew me well enough to make that judgement would be able to admit who they are.
Kay sera sera.
IP = 65.96.81.122
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[09 Jan 2006|08:26pm] |
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q and not u - "black plastic bag" |
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Q and Not U's CD "Different Damage" is amazing. I'm surprised it took me so long to pick up.
So I'm staying at work past seasonal duties which makes me uber happy. It's so nice to know people notice when you really push to shove.
I haven't posted too many pictures on my photojournal in a while because my computer is infected with some crazy virus of unknown origins. I hate technology.
*i'm flattered by your wish to kill me*
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[07 Jan 2006|06:39pm] |
I haven't touched meth in a year, but sometimes the want for it gets so strong.
"oh god please give me a little more, and I'll wash away these baby blues"
I feel better not waking up everyday with a rolled up dollar bill and a hot light bulb, but I sure as hell wish there was something that could take away all this pain like it did.
Make me not care about being sad or angry, because it didn't exist.
Make me laugh and smile just because I'm alive and everything had it's place.
The kid is only a short drive away, and I thank God I have the strentgh not to get in my car on these cold nites. My family, Zach, friends, and even my job keep me from going there, and the will they put in me is amazing.
Let's hope I can keep it up for another full year.
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[03 Jan 2006|12:03pm] |
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I got my cell phone working again, if you want da # IM me at JunkieDiscoNight or leave a comment,
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[03 Jan 2006|10:15am] |
I haven't updated in forever, partially because the excitement of updating my LJ every couple of hours has completely worn off.
* I had a kick-ass New Year's. Spent Friday-Sunday up in Worcester and went to Tom's apartment for a party and got drunk. I usually don't drink, but for New Year's... hey, I survived another year and life is beautiful so why the hell not?
* At the party everyone was slapping each others ass really hard, and apperently I broke a blood vessel in my finger and it turned purple and swelled up. Badge of honor.
* Christmas was beautiful. Zach got me an alexandrite necklace, the stone in the shape of a heart and diamonds the the right of it. I'll take a picture soon and post it. I came into my room and there was a Kay Jeweler's bag on my bed, and when I opened it I seriously started bawling. I love him so much.
* I miss Keti. A lot. Where have all the good times gone? Isn't it fun growing up man.
* I'm picking up a new hobby besides playing World of Warcraft and sleeping. I'm not sure what it'll be, but it's going to be something.
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[18 Dec 2005|12:14pm] |
* Been working a lot, but I love it. Yesterday I went for a 9-12 shift, ended up being 9-4:30. I'm not complaining, I enjoy it and love the people I work with.
* I'm actually looking forward to Christmas this year.. spending it with a great family and a wonderful boyfriend.
* Needed time off so I only went to school one day last week. Everyone needs a break sometimes.
I don't really bother updating LJ anymore becuase there's no real need for it. Everything is going pretty rocksteady and good. The only thing I really do on here anymore is my photojournal. And, if you added mine, add ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) ketifallout. Her work is magnificient.
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[13 Dec 2005|10:26am] |
The rules are: List seven songs you are into right now. No matter what the genre, whether they have words, or even if they're any good, but they must be songs you're really enjoying now. Then tag seven other people to see what they're listening to.
1. Tegan and Sara - "Divided"
2. Tori Amos - "Cornflake Girl"
3. The Fitness - "Day Job"
4. Stereo Total - "I Love You Ono"
5. Placebo - "Pure Morning"
6. Thursday - "Tommorrow I'll Be You"
7. Wall of Voodoo - "Shouldn't Have Given Him a Gun for Christmas"
Stole from xlotussundialx
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[09 Dec 2005|05:45pm] |
You may be bitching about the shoveling.
You may be bitching about the cold.
You may be bitching about having to unbury your car.
But stop for a second and realize your good fortune.
You have a house to actually have a driveway to shovel.
You have cloths to protect you from the cold.
You have a car to actually get you places.
Take some time to realize how lucky you really are, and sometimes, things really aren't that bad after all.
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[08 Dec 2005|06:15pm] |
No one added my photojournal :(
That makes Missy a sad panda.
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